Once upon a time I led a small team. And I fucked up. 

Podcasts were beginning to go mainstream and the organization I worked in dreamed of making a name for itself on the scene. With tech money in my pocket and the newly consecrated role of Podcast Lead, I had the novel opportunity to hire my ideal candidate for the role of audio producer. Geography was no object. Pay wasn’t much of one, either. My only limitation was my imagination and how many candidates I was willing to screen. 

I interviewed producers from across Europe, the UK, and Oceania, too. And then I met an American with kind eyes and experience that both thrilled and frightened me. 

An alumnus producer of The Moth, he had created a gorgeous, sensitive little podcast of his own that set a new standard in my brain for what audio could do. I fantasized about learning from him and how his influence might help shape the organization. We hit it off over Zoom, and when he flew to Berlin to visit the office, it was game over.

We made good colleagues and fast friends. I loved his ideas for new shows, plus, he had the contacts and the skill to actually make them work. He was the one who taught me a framework for editing audio and how to trust my own taste. I think of him often. First with gratitude, and then with regret.

See, leading someone by whom you’re starstruck professionally, junior to in years, and bound to as a friend is tricky. At the time, my chief issue (both here and in other areas of my life) was that I was terrified to acknowledge my own power—god forbid I identify as a manager! Although I had the experience with the organization that qualified me to lead, I lacked the confidence for it. So when my new producer began to lag behind with progress on the show, when he proved difficult to other audio makers in the team, I never gave him the feedback. I was too scared and told myself it wasn’t necessary. After all: I was confident in his work, even if the rest of the organization wasn’t.

And then there was a restructuring. Suddenly, I was no longer his boss. We now reported to the same person—one who, unbeknownst to him, had been unhappy with his habits and output for a while. The end result was that he returned to the office from a vacation overseas, walked into a one-on-one with our boss, and was fired—to him, out of the blue. When he emerged from the conference room, he collected his personal effects without making eye contact or saying goodbye. Despite my attempts, he never spoke to me again. 

 Of course, I wasn’t the one who fired him. But I was still at fault for what happened. I’d avoided rising to my title, using my power, and taking action. Had I given him real feedback, offered alternative structures, and been the leader I was supposed to be, I still feel sure that things could’ve worked out differently. Instead, I failed—and I learned a very important lesson.

If your energetic size is an XL but you're squeezing yourself into a medium—out of fear, to keep peace, any reason, really—things go wrong for everyone around you. 

Claiming your power isn’t dangerous. The danger is refusing to.

While I learned this the hard way and rather late, Nani Jansen Reventlow is a master of power well yielded, and she’s devoted her life to showing the rest of us how to use ours, too.

As an International human rights lawyer, Nani has been fighting to make the world better: one small win, one elegant loss, two meaningful businesses—and now, one new book!—at a time. Her new book, Radical Justice, is about revolution. Not the kind Hollywood shows us, but one whose unassuming seeds we can start planting today.

Drawing on the work of social activist and anti-racist thinkers, Nani packed Radical Justice full of tools to help us start dismantling the systemic problems of the moment: economic inequality, authoritarian regimes, racial injustice, and a climate that’s at its tipping point. Brimming with reflections, activities, and further reading, with this book in your hands, it’s easier to see how to own the power you’ve got in order to shape a world you actually want to live in.

During the episode, Nani and I talked about what real, systemic change actually looks like from the inside. We also got into territory that I found myself thinking about for weeks after: the surprising connections between different kinds of justice, who gets left out of the climate conversation and why, and what it takes to imagine a new, better world that isn't just a patched-up version of this one. 

So, here’s a simple 3-step process to join the revolution:

1) Listen to the new episode.
2) Pick up Nani’s book and start reading.
3) Accept that each of us holds the power necessary to change our current reality for the better. 

The world needs you to own your energetic size and get comfortable with holding your power. You don’t have to be scared—and you can start today.

‘Til soon,
Caitlin

PS: Nani and her publisher, Pluto, have generously donated a copy of the book for us to give away. Reply to this email if you want it! If you’re not the lucky winner, they’ve got you, too—use the code JUSTICE15  to get 15% off when you purchase the book at https://www.plutobooks.com/product/radical-justice/.

P.P.S. Please share with a friend you think will enjoy this episode. It’s the best way you can help Simplify stick around! Also, let me know what you thought by replying here or writing to me and Ben at [email protected]. 

You can also follow the show on instagram at @simplifypod.